the intent of EVERYTHING

edge of darkness: the intent of EVERYTHING

Heart to Heart Resuscitation

Dios nos creó para que fuésemos narradores de historias, para que fuésemos soñadores. He invertido el cien por cien de mi fe en esta historia y creo en ella porque quiero que así sea. Si, de todos modos voy a elaborar una historia, y si tengo la opción de escoger las historias que puedo crear, no me parece que sea posible crear una historia mejor que esta. Y sabes qué? En mi historia tú también eres la esposa o el esposo de Dios. Esta es mi mitología, y creyendo en esta bella historia, vivo mi vida en la fantasía más maravillosa, en el sueño más maravilloso. Sé que solo se trata de una historia, pero recuerdo la historia en la que solía creer antes de que el ángel de la muerte viniese a mí. Aquella historia tampoco era verdadera y de ningún modo quiero vivir en ella ni creerla por más tiempo.

Solo veo a Dios y la amo tanto que no puede esconderse de mi. Si me ama bien; si no me ama, también. Pero creo que me ama y creo que soy digno de su amor. Porque no iba a serlo? Hace mucho tiempo solia creer que no era digno de ese amor. Que extraño me parece eso ahora. Todas las personas son dignas de amor. Si crees que no eres digno de amor, estas creyendo una mentira.

from "Prayers" by Don Miguel Ruiz 

originally written in English, my back-translation:

God created us to be storytellers, for us to be dreamers. I’ve invested a hundred percent of my faith in this story and I believe it because I wish it so. If, whatever I do I am creating a story, and if I can choose the stories I create, I don’t feel it possible to create a story better than this one. And you know what? In my story you are also married to God. This is my mythology, and believing this beautiful story, I live my life in the most amazing fantasy, the most amazing dream. I know it’s just a story, but I remember the story I used to believe before the angel of death visited me. That story wasn’t real either and there’s no way I want to live or believe it any longer.

I only see God and I love her so much that she can't hide from me. if she loves me, good; if she doesn't, that's good too. But I believe she loves me and that I'm worthy of her love. How could I not be? A long time ago I used to believe that I wasn't worthy of that love. How strange that seems now. Everyone is worthy of love. If you believe you are unworthy of love then you are believing a lie.

Spiritual Defibrilation

edge of darkness: Spiritual Defibrilation

pyro

leyendo hoy acerca de los Wari
se dice que ellos mismos incendiaron sus templos grandiosos de Cerro Baul...
recorde que

cuando tenia 6 o 7 años y vivia en Lima teniamos una cocina a kerosene. Me fascinaba el kerosene e intente de incendiar la casa por afuera y por adentro con el liquido magico
sin duda me castigaron

varias veces ya, en estado extatico, he sentido el fuerte deseo de incinerarme en el Fuego Sagrado

cucu

las escondidas

there was a time when there was nothing at all

hide and seek (2)

edge of darkness: hide and seek (2)

the vicissitudes of fate

there's more beauty

in you than anyone

los 4 acuerdos

How many times do we pay for one mistake? The answer is thousands of times. The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay only once for every mistake they make. But not us. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists then that was enough, we don’t need to do it again. But everytime we remember, we judge ourselves  again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again, and again. If we have a wife or husband he or she also reminds us of the mistake, so we can judge ourselves again, punish ourselves again, and find ourselves guilty again. Is this fair?

There are thousands of agreements you have made with yourself, with other people, with your dream of life, with God, with society, with your parents, with your spouse, with your children. But the most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself.  In these agreements you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. The result is what you call your personality. In these agreements you say, “This is what I am. This is what I believe. I can do certain things, and some things I cannot do. This is reality, that is fantasy;  this is possible, that is impossible.”
One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that make us suffer, that make us fail in life. If you want to live a life of joy and fulfillment you have to find the courage to break those agreements that are fear-based and claim your personal power. The agreements that come from fear require us to expend a lot of energy, but the agreements that come from love help us to conserve energy and even gain extra energy.

Don Miguel Ruiz

rasarthyakambayam

Canto Yaqui

I am already given to the power that rules my fate.

And I cling to nothing, so I will have nothing to defend.

I have no thoughts, so I will see.

I fear nothing, so I will remember myself.

Ya me entregue al poder que rige mi destino
Y me aferro a nada, para no tener nada que defender
No pienso en nada, para poder ver
Temo nada, para recordar quien soy 

rezo en Amantani

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Aun medio dormido, ojos hinchados, i stumbled up the hill, gutted, and yet excited at what the day, and night, had in store

Llegue a la casa del Paqo Jose “ya se fue a trabajar al muelle”

Fui a la plaza tratando de decidir… me quede hollow, yearning but gotta live today still spinning still raw, old wounds cut open, breaking bones to re-set them

Dazed, algo aturdido, me sorprende un hombre en la plaza que me saluda y conversa…Francisco, es mexicano, de Coahuila, y vive en la isla(¡!)

Le cuento algo de mis planes y me dice que el conoce a otro Paqo, (Carlos) Enrique, que vive al otro lado de la isla…entonces lo fuimos a buscar

Francisco no paraba de hablar y por momentos senti las ganas de estar solo y quedarme pensando en cierta hadita pero seguimos no mas y quizas sea mejor de esta manera asi no me pierdo en el intento de re-vivir los recuerdos, deliciosos y deslumbrantes que sean, del dia anterior. Me cuenta del budismo, de haber ayunado por un mes, de El Mensaje de los Apus, de la juventud eterna.

Otro Paqo, otro carácter

Nos quedamos platicando por un buen rato, fascinante, pero no le intereso mucho mi idea y explico que ya se canso de tener las llaves y las a devuelto

Entonces seremos solo Francisco y yo!

Volvimos hacia la plaza y de allí me diriji al muelle, y por ahí lo encontré al Paqo Jose. Conversamos un rato, me sentí bien con el aunque me decía que no iba poder ese dia. Hablamos de la ceremonia yfestejo el 17 de enero, le asegure que volveria y me invito a que me quede en su casa.

Me acosté un rato y luego subi a PachaTata, pronto se lleno de turistas entonces

amar

adroit non plus

edge of darkness

la luz inapelable

edge of darkness: El Mar y las Campanas

camino a Yura

First ride in Peru, unless I count the short ride from Cayma to Umacollo to Dante’s Bikes in Bartolome Herrera yesterday. Tried out the Troll. Seems like the gear Hwood chose will work, though there were moments when I remembered the sensation of riding my (bian)Chi in the highlands outside Mexico DF, just about exactly 2 years ago. Must be what 10 weeks off the bike at 43 yo feels like or… just the tiniest pang of terror, remembering the struggle to make any headway like riding uphill through treacle (molasses) into a headwind as my body succumbed to the cumulative effect of decades of heartbreak cum leukemia, or as the consultant in Wales put it “with an 80 yo body”. I needed to go through that to be able to start letting go, letting go of attachment, let myself go. Still some way to go.

 We’ll see how I feel riding tomorrow, today’s ride was all uphill for an hour followed by another hour coming back down and then cruising around the centre of Arequipa. reckon I must have reached close to 2500m altitude, so can’t really expect to feel like I did in September around Lake Pepin or Minnetonka or up the Bwlch in August. The landscape is so arid, eerily similar to Queretaro, MX except for the western horizon…I could have sworn I sensed the ocean over yonder as I got further from Arequipa, though I couldn’t see it. looked like a bank of fog below the setting sun, classic Pacific coastline sunsets all the way up and down the Americas ayayay Big Sur, CA that’s fog mmmmm

quien diria?

Darkness on the Edge of Town

where dreams are found...

edge of darkness: Darkness on the Edge of Town

rezo en Pachacamac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

el 4 de noviembre

took off

soared ...

somos el Poder

adentro de nosotros
somos el Amor
del cielo y la tierra
somos, Gran Espiritu,
eternos
nuestra vida esta
llena de dicha
♥  

forever twenty-five

still looking for you
though i haven't lost you
especially at airports
it's been 18 years since your car crash
you haven't aged a bit, timeless
i even follow people that remind me of you
hoping they'll turn around and it'll be you
or not turn around at all
so i can keep on dreamin

top of Snowdon, 20(?) years young


a brother 

somebody amazing

una de las maravillas de la tierra me paso esta musica
hoy escuchandola

lei lo siguiente

imaginate viviendo tu vida sin juzgar ni culpar a los demas. Gracias al amor no hablas nunca en contra de nadie; la necesdad de chismorrear se ha acabado. Cuando hablas de los demas solo tienes palabras de amor para ellos. Con los ojos del amor ha cambiado toda tu realidad todo tiene una apariencia bella para ti. Con los ojos del amor ves la grandeza en todas las personas
 Don Miguel Ruiz

montando tormenta

pulse

Gratitude

Instinct, basic, primal, primordial,

Choice

Underlying the whole path, way, idea, that the rituals and ceremonies of the indigenous people, ancestors to everyone

empty vessels

In 1524, according to colonial accounts, an extraordinary face-off took place in one of the great buildings of Tenochtitlan, capital of the Triple Alliance – the Aztec empire, as it is better known – which Hernán Cortes had conquered three years before. Facing each other across the room two delegations of elite clerics battled over the nature of God. On one side were twelve eminent Franciscan monks, who had travelled from Europe in a mission authorized by Pope Hadrian VI. On the other were twelve high priests from the Triple Alliance, men who had wielded immense spiritual and political power until Cortes shuttered the grand temples and brought down the clerisy.

Los Indios/2

El lenguaje como traición: les gritan verdugos. En el Ecuador, los verdugos llaman verdugos a sus victimas.

-- ¡Indios verdugos! --  les gritan. 

De cada tres ecuatorianos, uno es indio. Los otros dos le cobran, cada día, la derrota histórica. 

Para la Catedra de Derecho Penal

En 1986, un diputado mexicano visitó la cárcel de Cerro Hueco, en Chiapas. Allí encontró a un indio tzotzil, que había degollado a su padre y había sido condenado a treinta años de prisión. Pero el diputado descubrió que el difunto padre llevaba tortillas y frijoles, cada mediodía, a su hijo encarcelado.

B.O.B.

edge of darkness: B.O.B. Beast of Burden

DPSI

Dear friends and relatives,

I certainly feel i owe you a personal email full of appreciation and gratitude for your support and faith in me throughout the years, or better still a proper letter. At this moment i simply want to share the result of an exam i took in June. It really doesn't matter from a universal perspective and it's hardly a big achievement...yet this time since discovering i had leukemia has been challenging in such a profound way that i am relieved and sort of surprised.

Sep '12

1 14hrs D2D 16 Glorious, 200ish miles with the Silver Cycling lads. Lakeville, Northfield, Lake City, Wabasha, Nelson, WI, Maiden Rock, WI, Red Wing, Cannon Falls, Lakeville
Week : 14hrs
4 3hrs w/Raul, Lake Minnetonka loop, 50ish miles
Week : 3hrs
season over

abuelos potosinos

draught

catching a draught off my Spirit, the Great Spirit

Aug'12

1 1.5hrs Ajax fast
4 3.5hrs Jif, +vale loop with Swiss
Week: 5hrs