amistades del camino

En San Pedro de Atacama conoci a un chico llamado Falko. Poco despues decidimos andar al Valle de la Luna y acampar alli. Conversamos!! acerca de la vida y el universo y la alegria y la tristeza. Alma a alma. Creo, temo, que no he vuelto a abrir mi corazon como lo hice esa noche, hace 15 años, no asi.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gy5K0DaeDxM

cry deep, laugh deeper

edge

and then something clicks

wisdom over innocence?
no point in yearning for a return to the days of old, but we can certainly learn to let go of thoughts, distorted and others, which hold us back and keep us in turmoil

what happens when we stop questioning when questioning was the primary tool of discovery?

questions about questions, like a dog chasing his tail

enough, enough

it's all about heart...need to strip away the artifice, cerebral constructs (mad scientists) which only lead us from one cul-de-sac to another

so, how to go back to HEART, without getting lost in the process

and that is where i'm at, the words
words are lacking
dissolving into a pool of emotions
and trying to get lost
in a good way
i love the feeling of being lost
with the edge of fear
and encroaching darkness which inevitably, inexorably leads to the light
edge

eloise butler

walking, wildflowers
enchanted by eyes, green
never before seen
or known
amidst the verdant woods
mystic
momentous

redwood

driving along
alone in the northern california redwoods,
heading to eureka and the lost coast, 1996?
eerie, moonlit ancient trees

can barely hear the radio, for lack of reception
barely can hear barb schloff... "waiting for you"
half a song, heard once, and tonight again after 12 years

soultakenreturnedsearchedburnedburningstill
cenizas
acompañametomamimanohermanahermano

self-knowledge

once
self-knowledge and self-loathing
were one and the same
distorted thoughts
"never again will I want something so badly that I would be devastated not to get it"
delicate devastation is barely the beginning
come OOON

running, running away

I question my own judgment at all times, at least in retrospect!, but feel particularly vulnerable at the moment. I am trying to nurture this vulnerability (for I can no longer be an innocent ingenu, naive) in general, and particularly in matters of the heart. Cynicism and "logic" have not served me so well over the years, I've hardly grown.

I'm now caught between that raw vulnerability and the incessant questioning of EVERYTHING