i magically turned the light green, to boot

Darkness on the Edge of Town

They're still racing out at the Trestles,
But that blood it never burned in her veins,
Now I hear she's got a house up in Fairview,
And a style she's trying to maintain.
Well, if she wants to see me,
You can tell her that I'm easily found,
Tell her there's a spot out 'neath Abram's Bridge,
And tell her, there's a darkness on the edge of town.

Everybody's got a secret, Sonny,
Something that they just can't face,
Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it,
They carry it with them every step that they take.
Till some day they just cut it loose
Cut it loose or let it drag 'em down,
Where no one asks any questions,
or looks too long in your face,
In the darkness on the edge of town.

Some folks are born into a good life,
Other folks get it anyway, anyhow,
I lost my money and I lost my wife,
Them things don't seem to matter much to me now.

Tonight I'll be on that hill 'cause I can't stop,
I'll be on that hill with everything I got,
Lives on the line where dreams are found and lost,
I'll be there on time and I'll pay the cost,
For wanting things that can only be found
In the darkness on the edge of town.
Bruce Springsteen

recordando

hablando con Fernando, el huancaino, anoche
me di cuenta de muchas cosas importantes
"escribe, escribe" me decia el
"escribe sin editar"
todos tenemos un cuento que contar
y vale la pena hacerlo
los recuerdos van cambiando
disminuyendo
lugares transfomados por las manos del hombre
y la naturaleza
Atahuallpa, donde estas?
aqui
nuestros hijos lo merecen
algun dia recibiran el don de nuestras memorias
las memorias nuestras, de los que los hicimos, o trajimos,
aca
nuestra historia es lo unico que tenemos
y aun eso no nos puede separar de los otros, el 'otro'
si no que nos junta

seeds

Dear fmc.clinic,

I want to thank each and everyone of you for sharing germs, laughter, tears and the essence of your being with me for the last 8 years. Oh, and the holiday parties, drowsy clinic-wide meetings, differences of opinion and candy. Many of you have some idea of who I am, some don’t. One cannot choose their memories, nor what they are remembered for, that is partly why I have avoided telling anyone when I’m leaving [2011 edit - if i had told people i would have been crying uncontrollably, and not just on my last day. no es que llorar tenga algo de malo, solo que llorar tanto, desatar esa tormenta de emocion por todas las despedidas de tantas personas que siempre estaran en mi corazon hubiera sido demasiado estremecedor]. We have had plenty of chances to show one another who we are, over these years, and if we did not take those chances, too busy or too afraid, then a parting gesture pales next to all the opportunities, taken or missed.

fmc

my last at fmc was yesterday
8 bloody yeasr
the best job i've ever had
and hopefully the alst
"no tienen idea con cuantas de ustedes e sonhado"

love

the child in you

86'd

from pizza luce, what?
how did this happen?

must be the st john's wort or summin

st john's wort

ablutions, holy
at the ywca they offer classes for people to understand racism and privilege a little better(guffaw!!). today a group of neo nazis planned to demonstrate outside, 4 of them showed up, along with 200 or more anti-racists. by the time i got there it was a celebration of sorts, the poor fools all gone
blissing (again!), eyes a little damp
i hear "all the love of the universe" from caravanserai, then the tears

"i don't really care about tomorrow
today!
is all i really need to find the answer
i fight the constant flow of all that's harmful..."

what was i saying?

trauma

esta vez si se me salieron las lagrimas, siempre las pude detener para seguir siendo el (pinche)interprete pero
esta vez
la doctora me exigia "QUE DIJO? dime lo que dijo!"...yo mudo
la bebe lloraba, pero paro y se me quedo mirando no mas
fuimos a Mexico para bautizar a nuestras gemelas, acababan de cumplir un año
los cinco viajabamos en un auto, mi esposa, las gemelas, nuestro Alejandro, de cuatro añitos y medio, sol de nuestro mundo, y yo
ibamos por la autopista y se revento un caucho, perdi control del auto y rodo, vez tras vez se revolco, azotandonos violentamente
todos bien amarrados con los cinturones, todos estamos bien, las bebes gritando pero Alex, donde esta Alex?
la ambulancia demoro muchisimo en llegar, perdi el conocimiento
desperte en el hospital, mi esposa?mis hijos?ALEX?
nadie me quizo explicar nada, es mas, me llevaron a la carcel
dos dias me quede alli, sin saber nada de el, de ellas
Les ruego, solo diganme, aun vive mi hijo?
Investigaron el accidente y comprobaron que no fue mi culpa
Alex murio

Como le dije a mi esposa, fuimos a bautizar a nuestras hijas, en familia, un reventon pensabamos...
se volvio en el velorio de nuestro sol
Ahora de vuelta en casa, que ahora es vacia sin su risa, dulce y vibrante, y las gemelas van a su cuarto, buscandolo, el que nunca se cansaba de jugar con ellas ya no esta
no hablamos, no hay palabras
solo sombras y recuerdos